Every Saturday night The Tomb of Terror opens, unleashing reviews of the obscure and the classic in horror cinema.
CGI killed the creature feature. It made it so we have direct to video lines made up of entirely nature gone amok films featuring cheap, cartoony looking killer animals. It made it so that every other week on the Sci-Fi channel (I refuse to call it by its ridiculous new moniker), we are treated to some washed-up actor fighting off a beast that bounces around like Yoda in Attack of the Clones. Back in the 1970s, we had a wave a classic nature gone amok films that followed in the wake of Willard and Jaws. The monsters you saw in those films were a mixture of real footage of a threatening animal intercut with an animatronic mock-up. They might not have always been the most convincing beasts to grace the silver screen, but they had a weight and presence that CGI (especially cheap CGI) just doesn’t. The Intruder is a new killer snake film from Thailand that is screening at the 2011 Seattle International Film Festival and might’ve been a bit better if it didn’t rely almost 100% on CGI for its creepy crawlies.
Based on a true story. No statement makes me less interested in seeing a film. There was a time where it seemed every movie coming out had to “based on a true story.” Never mind the fact that characters and storylines are changed as they make their way to the silver screen; it’s still based on a true story. Apparently audiences started growing as weary of this advertising trend as I did. Now it’s not enough to just be based on a true story. You have to be based on an amazing true story or an incredible true story. 
Everyone has a hero. Someone who they look up to, who inspires them to do better than they think they can. Usually they are celebrities, musicians or athletes—people at the top of their game and loved by millions. Sometimes, though, heroes don’t need to be known by the entire world for the people who love them to sing their praises. It doesn’t happen as often, but there are many people out there who would say a friend, parent, or relative is their hero. I think the reason we don’t hear as much about the average Joe hero is because the illusion vanishes once you get to know someone. No longer are they this untouchable perfect thing. You spend enough time with someone and you get to know their faults and weaknesses. After a while, they look less like a hero and more like the imperfect person they are. Coming to terms with the disappointing reality of meeting your hero is at the core of 
How does one get involved in a cult? If you’re part of an evil secret society, do you actively pursue new members? Do you have to kill everyone who says “No, we’re just friends at work and I’d like to keep it that way”? Questions like these go through my head whenever I watch a horror film about cults. There are definitely good films about cults, but I’d have to say I’m not the biggest fan of films pertaining to Satanists, Voodoo, etc. I know that these things are on screen because they exist in the real world. I just have a hard time buying how they are portrayed by filmmakers. After watching a film about cults (which is very different from a cult film, mind you) I think about how the cult is able to do so much, have so many members, and all the other things armchair critics do. For this week’s Tomb I watched the Santeria-infused film The Believers. Like with so many other films about cults, I found myself not hating what I saw, but not BELIEVING a lot of it. See what I did there? Sorry, onto the review.
Zombie films are possibly the most popular sub-genre in horror. It seems that every week a new title comes out in theaters or straight-to-DVD featuring zombies as the monsters. I’m not as big of a fan of zombie films as many because they all seem a little too similar. People trapped somewhere with zombies trying to get at them. Cue the “people are the real monsters” sentiment and have the characters act like jerks to each other for an hour before the zombies rip them all apart. That’s not to say I dislike all zombie films. I’m a fan of the early works of George Romero, and The Return of the Living Dead is in my top three horror films of all time. I just get sick of low-budget filmmakers pumping out the same zombie scenarios over and over again just because it’s a cheap monster to pull off. You can’t make a convincing werewolf for anything less than a few thousand bucks, but a zombie? All you need are raggedy clothes and some red food coloring. Back in 1985, director Stuart Gordon (Stuck) made a low-budget zombie film that aimed to do something different. Instead of riffing on Romero, he set about to make a horror/comedy in the mold of Frankenstein, the original Hollywood zombie.
I have been an avid fan of Judd Apatow’s ever since he produced one of the best TV shows of all time, Freaks and Geeks. I’ve loved nearly everything he’s directed or produced in the years since. Superbad is one of my favorite films of all time. The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up, and Pineapple Express are some of the best comedies of the last ten years. Audiences seemed to agree with me on Apatow up until around 2009. None of his films since then have made as much money as those early hits, and aren’t as well regarded. Many people have seen them as more of the same, similar premises featuring all of the same actors. Apatow’s new film as producer, 
It can be a lonely existence being a film fan. While other people have successful relationships or careers, we spend hours alone with characters that will never exist outside of their filmed story. We obsess over the tiniest of details, but no one thinks you’re great when you whip out a random bit of movie trivia. If you score a touchdown then you’re an athlete, if you know where George Lucas got the title THX-1138 from then you’re a nerd. This is why when we film fans find someone with similar sensibilities we want to spend a lot of time pouring over movies with them. I recently found someone like this. His name is Eric Binford, and he’s the main character of the horror film Fade to Black (1980). He loves films with all his heart and no one understands him. For the first thirty minutes of Fade to Black, I fell in love with Eric’s story, but after that the film loses track of its main character amidst murder set pieces and gonzo logic.
Slasher films are one of my favorite horror subgenres. They aren’t particularly deep films, but they are usually full of the best gore effects and have a sense of fun about them. One interesting part of slasher films is that, on paper, every one is the same. A mysterious killer picks off teenagers as they engage in sex, drugs, and bad manners in some isolated location. What separates the good from the rest is how it changes this simple formula. Someone dies who you don’t expect? “Awesome.” The identity of the killer is a genuine surprise and not a cheat? “Wow.” Someone gets cut in half with a machete while doing a handstand? “This is the greatest movie ever made!” Little tweaks can make all the difference between a Black Christmas (1974) and a Halloween 5. This week’s film, The Dorm That Dripped Blood, sticks stubbornly to every formula in the slasher book, offering little in the way ingenuity or surprise.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from horror films, it’s that I should never go anywhere or do anything. Looking for a nice vacation getaway? Better think again. Jaws and its myriad of rip-offs taught us to stay away from the beach. Every slasher film of the 80s taught us to never go in the woods. There was even a film entitled Don’t Go in the House! Most horror films are about people traveling somewhere and running into an unexpected sidetrack. In the 1975 action/horror hybrid Race with the Devil, two married couples get sidetracked on their way to Aspen by a witch coven. They should’ve known better than to do anything, anywhere! 
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